HOW ARE WE SHOWING UP?

More Than They Deserve!

Gail Oliver Cambridge | June 2026

The other day I was in a line at a bakery store deciding on which treats to buy. I realized that the line wasn’t moving and looked up to observe five people in front of me and a clerk busy filling requests and also taking payments. For the next few minutes, no other employee came to assist so I yelled out to her, “Do you need me behind the counter to help you?” She laughed and said, “I would welcome conversation.”

The clerk was a bit frazzled when she realized there wasn’t any coffee in the pot to fill an order. However, she kept a smile on her face and chatted with us. I hope the owner saw a video of her interactions! Truth be told whenever I enter a store, I normally check the length of the cashier lines. If they are long and I’m there for a “want,” I turn around and head out. If it’s for a “need,” I wait and use the time to test my patience, whew!

We all can be living our daily lives going along our merry way, when suddenly something happens to interrupt our vibe. It may be waiting in a long line or being stuck in traffic that sets us off. Or someone comes along and makes an offhand remark about our outfit or hairstyle that they don’t like or some other insignificant irritation. Instead of letting their uninvited opinion go, we become consumed by it and either try to conform or to lash out.

We may absorb such unwelcome assessments, yet when we notice others being criticized, we’re brave in coming to their defense by standing up for them or giving advice and being compassionate. Likewise, we need to do this for ourselves and not allow anyone to diminish us. We should never allow folks to manipulate us in the littlest of things, for it only gets worse in more momentous areas such as not getting any appreciation for a home or work project or being disrespected. We simply cannot allow others to demean us in any situation even though we may be timid people pleasers, fearful, or wanting to avoid conflict. But isn’t it frustrating if we find ourselves adjusting things simply to suit someone else? We must be careful not to give up control of our lives.

We should neither let others dictate our path nor try to get back at them for their inappropriate behavior. Most times it’s just not worth the grief. Think of how conductors of a stalled train or ticket agents of a canceled flight must deal with the barrage of impatience and hostility they get as folks scream, argue, and curse at them. They simply ignore us—or do a convincing job of seeming to—and guess who ends up with the high blood pressure?!

If we are the ones who are being off-putting towards others (I cringe as I recall my own unguarded moments!), we should investigate what’s causing our behavior. Our pride, envy, or biases may be rearing its ugly head. Periodically, we must take up the metaphorical mirror to see how we stand in our treatment of others—and also to reflect on their treatment of us. The renowned teacher Pema Chödrön once stated that we should lean into difficult emotions rather than run away because avoidance only prolongs our suffering.

The bakery clerk could have shown her frustration by being sulky or by banging things around, which would have annoyed those of us waiting in line. Instead, she remained pleasant, and we waited patiently…see how someone’s attitude can rub off on us?

However, we've become so accustomed to our own identity that we resist letting go of the shortcomings that do not serve us well. Yet we can give such negativity the boot by intentionally reframing our thoughts and redirecting ourselves toward positive growth. We’re all imperfect beings living in this human world, and we can help make it better by doing unto others with grace, even when it is undeserved.

Jesus reminds us, “To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the supple moves of prayer for that person.” Luke 6:27-28 (MSG)