BROKEN TRUST

Gail Oliver Cambridge | March 2025

Isn’t it funny that when someone tells us to trust them that’s when the little alarm bell goes off in our brains to the contrary? We’ve often heard that trust is earned, not given. Hence, we need to be sure of the one we’re relying on.

Author Mike Robbins flipped that concept around saying trust is granted, not earned. He stated, “Ironically, the more we are willing to grant our trust consciously, the more likely we are to create a real sense of connection, cooperation, and collaboration in our lives, relationships, families, teams, and more – even if we feel scared to do so or it seems counter-intuitive at times.”

That sentiment is great when relationships are functioning well. However, what to do if a partner cheated, friend lied, politician deceived, business partner stole idea/money, do we still give that person our trust?” There are many facets to trust, such as integrity, reliability, consistency, loyalty, and honesty. Can we forgive if any one of them is broken?

We are more closed off than open with our emotions, especially in this climate of angst. It’s understandable to be hurt when others don’t live up to our expectations. We may become wary and put up walls, wanting to go it alone. However, no one is an island; we all need community and must therefore take a risk because we can’t allow fear to keep us trapped and isolated.

If we’re the person who broke the trust, acknowledgment followed by an apology is a necessary first step in making amends. We must be aware that it will take a while for the relationship to be repaired as the respect was lost, and due to that fragility, it may never be restored to its initial state.

Trust is essential for successful relationships. If we decide to stay in the broken relationship, we must rebuild it by offering forgiveness, setting boundaries, prioritizing ourselves, having open and honest conversations, being patient, and observing behaviors…not an easy task but necessary to overcome the mistrust. Even if we decide to leave the relationship, we still need to adhere to these tenets to build new connections.

One way of breaking free of mistrust or any other undesirable attitude is gratitude…hey, good thing we found out about the indiscretion! The experience may have been painful, but perhaps we learned something from it. At any rate, we cannot allow negativity to control our lives. A grateful heart protects us from negative thinking, so why not practice counting our blessings daily beginning with Lent. Let’s take Christ at His word and trust Him to guide us through. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV).