RELINQUISHING CONTROL

Gail Oliver Cambridge | June 2025

Do you feel good when you’re in control over someone or something? Perhaps, just thinking about it now puffs up your chest. It’s great being the person who leads and makes the decisions because there’s much power in that. However, the way we do is critical, especially when pressing to get things done. We’ve all had bosses who’ve led either with integrity and respect or with coercion and manipulation.? What’s your style?

We all have influence on the people in our lives—children, partners, co-workers, and friends—both positively and negatively and at times we may have tried to control their actions. One reason for our controlling tendency could be that we’re anxious and want things done in a certain way, which brings out our perfectionist personality. However, no one wants to be controlled.

This doesn’t negate the good aspects of control, such as setting and maintaining standards and expectations, and more importantly, monitoring our attitudes and actions towards others. Yet, the need to control everything with a tight fist can be exhausting and trying to hold it all together becomes tiresome. Plus, life doesn’t always go as planned so this will make things more chaotic. If we’re honest, it’s probably affecting our health and relationships; is it worth it?

Relinquishing control is not easy, especially if we believe that we can do a superior job and all our ideas and plans are better than theirs. We may not want to acknowledge our fallibility but should recognize that things will proceed when we’re no longer here. So, while we can, let’s push aside our egos and do more delegating and collaborating. We’ve proven our worth, built great connections, and have guided those around us so must trust and be confident in their abilities. Romans 15:2 (MSG) states, “Strength is for service, not status.”

It’s a breath of fresh air when we take our hands off—facial muscles are relaxed, breathing is even, weight is lifted, and heart rate is steady, freeing us to focus on new goals of self-empowerment or just being still. It’s said that acceptance is the epitome of surrendering control. I recalled being uptight about something, teeth gritted as I was losing control when suddenly something gave way inside of me. I stayed silent for a bit taking deep breaths then looked up and saw a beautiful sunset. The different hues of red, yellow, and blue delighted my soul as I was awed at God’s wondrous splendor! What I know to be true is that when we tune in to God’s presence daily, we carry His light so there’s no fear in relinquishing control.