KEEPING SECRETS

TAKE OFF THE MASK

Gail Oliver Cambridge | August 2025

The question was asked whether you would tell a friend about a partner having a fling. A female response was, “Yes.” A male responded, “None of my business.” My younger self would have most definitely told a friend; now, I would be more cautious. How about you?

Deciding whether to reveal a secret is not easy and weighing the pros and cons and their effects on a person and their relationships cannot be overstated. Social media is all about sharing the tea and our human nature relishes hearing gory details.

Some of us may be quick to blurt out someone else’s indiscretion, but what if we have a secret? Would we react the same way? Would we want ours revealed? At home or work we may conceal a mishap, hoping that no one notices, and we get away with it. No harm, no foul. The potential for real damage occurs when we hide our true selves from one another.

We put on a façade to hide having a bad personality trait or being affected by negative factors, such as losing a job, emptying our bank accounts, being diagnosed with a health condition, splitting from our partners, or even holding on to a dark family secret. We may pretend that we have it all together and things are fine when they are not, hiding behind a mask of perfection, which is so toxic! Sure, we don’t need to share all the details with everyone, but sometimes our family and friends are oblivious to what’s going on and our reticence keeps us isolated.

I imagine those who are locked into presenting a certain image live a stressful life trying to prevent cracks from showing. Is the thing we’re obsessed about hiding really worth the trouble? Our relationships are important and should flourish but being inauthentic alienates others from connecting with us.

I know some of you are saying, “Keep it locked down!” Ketty Lester sang, “Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid,” and I still groove to the song, singing at the top of my voice, so I hear you. However, while it’s not healthy to be brutally honest in sharing everything, for our own good mental health and trusting relationships, it’s best to have open communication.

Let’s take a peek under the bed to see if the bogeyman is really there. Wait...what…is that what you’re ashamed of and fearful about? Okay, we all have different experiences and cultural norms that may not be able to withstand a scandal. We may have a price to pay but we can also learn from the experience. Facing the consequences and no longer having to carry a secret burden is freeing to the soul…it’s all out in the open; no one has anything over us now. Plus, we will be pleasantly surprised at the support of our community when we take the mask off and stop faking it!