Who Cares for the Caregiver?
Gail Oliver Cambridge | November 2026
A few months ago, I signed up with the American Red Cross to donate blood. The instructions were to drink an extra 16 ounces of water and fluids and get a good night's sleep beforehand. I normally sleep like a babe with sweet dreams, so that part was easy; drinking the extra water, not so much. Before I could donate, the staff also had to check my blood pressure.
When I entered the unit, I did not see the kind of blood-pressure monitor I’d expected. After the nurse placed the cuff on my arm, I watched the numbers climb on a screen that displayed 194/92. I could not believe it was my blood pressure; I wondered whether the machine was measuring my temperature or something else. The nurse confirmed that it was a blood-pressure reading and explained that it exceeded their limit of 180/100, which was already far above the typical 120/80. I went outside to calm down before she repeated the test…it didn’t get lower…what the France?! When last have you heard that expression?!
I’m a caregiver to my husband, and over the last few years, the top number in my blood-pressure readings has been around 140. I resisted medication because I believed that once people started taking it, they stayed on it for life. My husband’s experience challenged that belief: his doctor eventually took him off his blood-pressure medication because his readings were consistently around 120/80. Again, what the France?!
I told my physician that I wanted to lower my blood pressure by eating better and exercising more instead of taking medication. But walking more than two miles a day, running up and down stairs, and dancing for exercise did not bring the readings down. Seeing numbers that high took my breath away, and I finally agreed to begin taking medication.
High blood pressure is called a “silent killer” because it can damage blood vessels and vital organs over time without causing noticeable symptoms. The only sign I experienced was tightness in my shoulders; otherwise, I felt fine. In fact, I was upbeat, energetic, and fully engaged. It’s scary to know that a caregiver can continue meeting someone else’s needs while overlooking a serious threat to their own health—and eventually become another headline about a caregiver who dies before the dependent person.
I am sharing this experience to alert the family members and close friends of anyone who cares for a loved one: practical help can protect the caregiver’s health and, by extension, the health of the person who depends on that care. After all, any of us may one day need care ourselves. The Pew Research Center surveyed adults caring for a parent and those caring for a spouse or partner. In both cases, caregivers reported negative effects on their emotional well-being, physical health, and financial situation.
If you are a caregiver, allow yourself to reach out to your community before exhaustion becomes burnout. Make specific requests, with no blame game at this point. Ask someone to take over caregiving duties for a few days or weeks, in a different location if possible; accompany you or your loved one to medical appointments; serve as the primary or secondary contact with the insurance company; buy supplies; help with chores; provide meals; and stay in touch by phone or in person.
Being spiritual, I lean on God for His support and guidance. However, there are times when I scream in frustration, especially when my husband is stubborn and combative and not following instructions. Then I remind myself he is living with pain and that no one signs up for illness. I also remember the vibrant man he was and still is at heart: a social butterfly who loved having people around and was quick to mend fences. He generously gave and loaned people money, paid school fees for some and rent for others, stood up for family and friends, and gave his time by cooking, delivering food, and supporting people who needed him.
I can’t allow the daily stresses to get me down. I stay prayerful, read scripture, meditate, and sing—you should hear my voice, awful! When frustration rises, I pause before responding and bring God’s presence to mind. That pause helps me avoid saying something hurtful, and when I fall short, I ask for His forgiveness. Caring for my husband also requires me to care for my own body, mind, and spirit.
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