HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO HONEST FEEDBACK?

Gail Oliver Cambridge | October 2026

We were all saddened to hear of the passing of Dolly Parton, American singer-songwriter and actress. She was known for her cultural influence and her many charitable donations through her foundation. Many people have spoken about her kindness, integrity, and adaptability. One story in particular has stuck with me as it offers an unforgettable lesson in how a few well-chosen words can interrupt a pattern of complaining.

Actress Julia Roberts recalled how she’d been repeatedly grumbling about the heat on the Steel Magnolias movie set—it was hot!  Noticing that Dolly Parton did not appear bothered, she finally asked whether Dolly was feeling it too. Dolly replied that she had dreamed of becoming rich and famous, had achieved that dream, and therefore was not going to complain about anything. Julia said Dolly’s response made her shut up for rest of the day!

I’m sure that, like me, at some point someone has said something that made you stop and check yourself as you reconsider your own words. If others were present, they may even have silently given a hallelujah when the person finally put you in your place.

At the time we were corrected, we may not have been conscious of how long or how badly we’d been carrying on—only enough for the person to feel compelled to call us out. Of course, blunt honesty is never easy to hear. We may feel embarrassed even when we know the reprimand is warranted. Still, rather than defending ourselves, we can hold our tongues and resolve to do better next time.

If we’re the one to caution another, we need to be aware of where the other person is coming from. Repetition can signal that someone does not feel heard or validated or it can mean that they are seeking a solution. It’s important to practice empathy but it’s also essential to put limits on negativity.

How do you respond to honest feedback? Shouldn’t friends tell each other what they need to hear as opposed to what they want to hear? Isn’t it better to hear the truth rather than live in ignorance? The goal is not to humiliate but to help them see what they may have missed.

When faced with such situations, let’s remember and follow Dolly’s lead in how she responded to Julia. She didn’t belittle or demoralize her. She spoke calmly, chose words rooted in her own experience, and brought the complaining to an end without condemnation.

In case we forget and get carried away with our griping, gossiping, or nagging, Proverbs 21:9 (MSG) offers a memorable reminder: “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.” I laughed out loud when I first read it because this point is so true: persistent quibbling can make even the most comfortable place unpleasant. The next time honest feedback stops us in our tracks, we can choose to receive it with humility—and thus make our company easier for others to enjoy.